remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
