So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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