i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
