my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
