There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
