i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
