I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
