Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
