I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
