Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
