Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
