dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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