Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
