wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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