Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
