I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never underestimate the power of titties
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
