I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
