Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
