Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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