why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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