i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
