Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
