well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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