I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
