ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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