Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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