I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think your dad took our porno
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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