it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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