I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
