You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
