i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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