can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my being single is dangerous.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
