So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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