How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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