No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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