how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize