we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All I want is dick and wine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
