Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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