dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
