he shaved USA in his pubs
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
