Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
