Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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