You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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