I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
