she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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