I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
