Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
