She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
