God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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