i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
