I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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