We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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