i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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