so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
