Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize