I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
