The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
