I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
