She said her name was "party"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
