Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
