I think my vagina is haunted
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
whose parrot is this?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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