i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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