lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
