Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
