I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
