I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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