My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
