Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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