summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
