I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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