Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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