This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
