i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
