Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
