How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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